Aminet 21/Aminet 21 (1997)(GTI - Schatztruhe)[!][Oct 1997].iso/Aminet/comm/cnet/supertg3.lha/Parents

Text File | 1997-06-23 | 25KB | 485 lines

"Be careful and have a good time!"  [mother's paradox curse]
"Childhood is short but immaturity is forever." - Calvin
"What did your teenage daughter do all summer?"  "Her hair and nails!"
A child of five could understand this.  Fetch me a child.
A child prodigy knows not to bother with it.
A child's face says it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
A kid with a hammer will find that everything he sees needs pounding.
A mother is not a dust rag.
A new mother soon becomes a chief cook and bottom washer.
A parent pampering a child is raising a serpent.
A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly.
A Teenager goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.
A Teenager is positive that her mother was never a teenager.
A Teenager never falls in love more than once a week.
About all some parents accomplish in life is to send a child to Harvard.
Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents.
Adolescence prepares parents to welcome the empty nest.
Adults aren't wiser than children, just better liars.
All children have wings and fly on the slightest breeze of a dream...
All the honest truth telling in the world is done by children.
An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.
Any day is a good day to have a mother.
Avenge yourself.  Live long & burden your kids.
Baby on Board, Mom on Valium.
Baby Philosophy - If it stinks, change it.
Be kind to your mother-in-law.  Babysitters are expensive.
Be nice to your kids.  They will choose your nursing home...
Celibacy isn't hereditary.  Your children force it on you.
Child rearing myth #1: Labor ends when the baby is born.
Children = The most common sexually transmitted disease.
Children are a comfort in old age, and they will even help you reach
Children are a grandparent's revenge.
Children are curly, dimpled lunatics.
Children are from God - He can't stand the noise, either.
Children are not born prejudiced....
Children aren't the only ones being fed fairy tales.
Children deserve to be wanted, and feel free and safe.
Children deserve to be wanted, free and safe.
Children don't sleep; they recharge!
Children have more need of models than of critics.
Children learn what they live ...
Children of the night... Shut up! -- Dracula
Disassembler: An unsupervised two year old child.
Disney's Law: Children under 12 must be accompanied by money.
Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.
Don't mess with the Mommy!
Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.
Drugs?  Nope.  Raising teens is as far from reality as I want to get.
Every generation gets the parents it doesn't deserve.
Fact: Most criminals were raised by heterosexual parents.
Faithful Husband: One whose child support check is always on time.
Familiarity breeds contempt....and children!
Few children fear water unless soap is added.
Getting a baby to sleep is the hardest when she is about 18 years old.
Give a small boy a hammer and everything needs pounding.
Give Mom an inch, and the whole family has to go on diet.
Gotta go, the kids chewed through their straps
Grandchildren = Revenge -- spoil 'em & send 'em home!
Grandchildren are a parent's revenge.
Grandchildren: God's way of rewarding parents who survive
Grandparents & grandchildren get along because they have a common enemy.
Grunge is when teen Angst meets allowance reality.
He who has daughters is always a shepherd.
Heredity is important: We should be careful in choosing our grandparents
Heredity is what sets parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
Heredity:  Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!
Hint for Mom:  "Bambi" is too scary for five-year olds.
Hint for Mom:  "Because I said so" is a good reason.
Hint for Mom:  "Wait till your father gets home" is a cop-out.
Hint for Mom:  A dishwasher is not a luxury.
Hint for Mom:  A little fast food never killed anyone.
Hint for Mom:  A sense of humor is a necessity.
Hint for Mom:  Add sound effects to the bedtime story.
Hint for Mom:  Adjust allowances for cost of living.
Hint for Mom:  Admire your son's mustache even if you can't see it.
Hint for Mom:  All car trip diversions last three minutes.
Hint for Mom:  ALL mothers are working mothers.
Hint for Mom:  Always look before sitting.
Hint for Mom:  Always make their favorite dish when they visit.
Hint for Mom:  An unmade bed is easier to get into.
Hint for Mom:  Anyone can make a secret special sauce.
Hint for Mom:  Arrange to sleep in at least once a month.
Hint for Mom:  Ask only that they try their best.
Hint for Mom:  Ask them for advice once in a while.
Hint for Mom:  At least comic books mean they're reading.
Hint for Mom:  Attend school plays.
Hint for Mom:  Be a den mother.
Hint for Mom:  Be a good friend.
Hint for Mom:  Be a good sport.
Hint for Mom:  Be consistent.
Hint for Mom:  Be ready when kids ask "What were the Beatles?".
Hint for Mom:  Be sure to mention that your grandson has your smile.
Hint for Mom:  Before disciplining -- decompress.
Hint for Mom:  Befriend other mothers.
Hint for Mom:  Believe it or not, SATs aren't everything.
Hint for Mom:  Breastfeeding in public goes over better in Europe.
Hint for Mom:  Bribe the babysitter with Hagen-Dazs.
Hint for Mom:  Bribes work.
Hint for Mom:  Bunk beds are cool.
Hint for Mom:  Buy a good stain remover.
Hint for Mom:  Buy chunky peanut butter in jumbo jars.
Hint for Mom:  Buy industrial-size detergent boxes.
Hint for Mom:  Buy Permapress.
Hint for Mom:  Buy them a globe.
Hint for Mom:  Buy them a good dictionary.
Hint for Mom:  Buy them cool lunch boxes.
Hint for Mom:  Buy your share of EXPENSIVE Girl Scout cookies
Hint for Mom:  Carry Wash'n Dri.
Hint for Mom:  Cartoons are a good way to learn classical music.
Hint for Mom:  Celebrate Velcro!
Hint for Mom:  Check before believing Dad said it was okay.
Hint for Mom:  Cheer when they get their driver's licenses.
Hint for Mom:  Cheese food is not cheese.
Hint for Mom:  Chicken soup couldn't hurt.
Hint for Mom:  Childbirth is not for wimps.
Hint for Mom:  Childhood doesn't go as fast as they say.
Hint for Mom:  Clothes that fit just right are too small.
Hint for Mom:  Coax the cat out of the tree.
Hint for Mom:  Colic happens.
Hint for Mom:  Cookie dough is better than cookies.
Hint for Mom:  Courage.
Hint for Mom:  Cowlicks happen.
Hint for Mom:  Cultivate the art of napping.
Hint for Mom:  Curfews are made to be broken.
Hint for Mom:  Cut off the crusts.
Hint for Mom:  Dance a tango at your child's wedding.
Hint for Mom:  Discourage grown kid's from writing a tell-all book.
Hint for Mom:  Discourage them from tying up the babysitter.
Hint for Mom:  Disney World is not optional.
Hint for Mom:  Disposable diapers are worth the guilt.
Hint for Mom:  Do a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hint for Mom:  Don't buy infant clothes without snaps.
Hint for Mom:  Don't flinch when they grow taller than you.
Hint for Mom:  Don't flush the fish.
Hint for Mom:  Don't forget, each new kid is a tax deduction.
Hint for Mom:  Don't give your son a crew cut.
Hint for Mom:  Don't hold up other people's children as role models.
Hint for Mom:  Don't hover.
Hint for Mom:  Don't insist on combing your daughter's hair in public.
Hint for Mom:  Don't kiss teens in front of their friends.
Hint for Mom:  Don't leave their teddy bear behind.
Hint for Mom:  Don't let kids record answering machine messages.
Hint for Mom:  Don't let the kids forget Father's Day.
Hint for Mom:  Don't let them call you by your first name.
Hint for Mom:  Don't make your twelve-year-old shop for underwear.
Hint for Mom:  Don't mention their zits.
Hint for Mom:  Don't panic.
Hint for Mom:  Don't put their favorite blankie in the wash.
Hint for Mom:  Don't read the label on baby formula.
Hint for Mom:  Don't remind your grown son you changed his diapers.
Hint for Mom:  Don't show their dates naked baby pictures.
Hint for Mom:  Don't take kids grocery shopping on empty stomachs.
Hint for Mom:  Don't teach the kids your fear of bugs.
Hint for Mom:  Don't teach them to parallel park.
Hint for Mom:  Don't tell you helped blow out the candles.
Hint for Mom:  Don't use a pediatrician who isn't a parent.
Hint for Mom:  Don't weep when the school bus takes them away.
Hint for Mom:  Don't yell at Little League umpires.
Hint for Mom:  Donate pre-pregnancy jeans to charity.
Hint for Mom:  Dry their tears.
Hint for Mom:  Ear thermometers beat rectal any day.
Hint for Mom:  Even George Bush didn't eat his broccoli.
Hint for Mom:  Everybody's a critic.
Hint for Mom:  Everyone tries to get out of gym class.
Hint for Mom:  Feel free to remind them of your labor pains.
Hint for Mom:  Food fights happen.
Hint for Mom:  For the last time, a pony is out!
Hint for Mom:  Forbid them to put you in a nursing home.
Hint for Mom:  Forbidden junk food will be eaten at neighbor's house.
Hint for Mom:  Forget suede.
Hint for Mom:  Forget your moral objections to pacifiers.
Hint for Mom:  Froot Loops are NOT a balanced meal.
Hint for Mom:  Get call waiting.
Hint for Mom:  Get washable wallpaper.
Hint for Mom:  Gingerbread houses aren't worth the work.
Hint for Mom:  Give pennies for piggy banks.
Hint for Mom:  Give Snickers at Halloween.
Hint for Mom:  Going to college don't mean they won't come back.
Hint for Mom:  Good news & bad: Before you know it they're in college.
Hint for Mom:  Good news and bad:  Anything can be a toy.
Hint for Mom:  Good news and bad: Before you know it, they're talking.
Hint for Mom:  Good news and bad: Before you know it, they're walking.
Hint for Mom:  Grace doesn't count unless it's under pressure.
Hint for Mom:  Grandchildren are for spoiling.
Hint for Mom:  Grass stains are Mother Nature's way of saying "Hi".
Hint for Mom:  Guilt is an art form.
Hint for Mom:  Half your brain leaves with the placenta.
Hint for Mom:  Hang a tire swing.
Hint for Mom:  Hang their drawings on the fridge.
Hint for Mom:  Have a snowball fight.
Hint for Mom:  Have an answer ready for "Where do babies come from?"
Hint for Mom:  Help build a sandcastle.
Hint for Mom:  Help carve a pumpkin.
Hint for Mom:  Help start a stamp collection.
Hint for Mom:  Hide old toys and reintroduce them next week.
Hint for Mom:  Hold hands while crossing.
Hint for Mom:  Hold their hands during vaccinations.
Hint for Mom:  Host a slumber party.
Hint for Mom:  How long CAN you put off the birds & bees lecture?
Hint for Mom:  How many times can you rewrite your will?
Hint for Mom:  Hugs are the antidotes to nightmares.
Hint for Mom:  Hunt for four-leaf clovers.
Hint for Mom:  Hysteria will get you nowhere.
Hint for Mom:  Ice cream still solves most problems.
Hint for Mom:  If all else fails, take them to the video arcade.
Hint for Mom:  If they become Ivy Leaguers it's because of YOUR genes.
Hint for Mom:  If they become politicians they were switched at birth.
Hint for Mom:  If they become pro-athletes, take the house and the car.
Hint for Mom:  If they created it at camp, put it on display.
Hint for Mom:  If they grow up to be doctors, take the credit.
Hint for Mom:  If they grow up to be lawyers, don't take the blame.
Hint for Mom:  If they won't clean their plates, use smaller plates.
Hint for Mom:  If they're going to State, it's because of Dad's genes.
Hint for Mom:  If you don't know, say so.
Hint for Mom:  If you have teenagers, get your own phone.
Hint for Mom:  If you promised, do it.
Hint for Mom:  Improvise.
Hint for Mom:  Insist on bike helmets.
Hint for Mom:  Insist on short-haired dogs.
Hint for Mom:  Iodine really DOES sting.
Hint for Mom:  It's absolutely okay to say "No".
Hint for Mom:  It's your duty to brag.
Hint for Mom:  Join the PTA.
Hint for Mom:  Junior High is traumatic.
Hint for Mom:  Just when you've got them figured out, they change.
Hint for Mom:  Keep a first-aid kit handy.
Hint for Mom:  Keep smiling.
Hint for Mom:  Keep the cookie jar full.
Hint for Mom:  Kids get dirty quicker on more important occasions.
Hint for Mom:  Kids give more gifts than they'll receive.
Hint for Mom:  Kids love antiheroes.
Hint for Mom:  Kids prefer hot dogs to duck a l'orange.
Hint for Mom:  Kids WILL drink straight from the carton.
Hint for Mom:  Kiss it an make it better.
Hint for Mom:  Know when enough is enough.
Hint for Mom:  Learn CPR.
Hint for Mom:  Learn lots of lullabies.
Hint for Mom:  Learn the rules of football.
Hint for Mom:  Learn to catch a boomerang.
Hint for Mom:  Learn to handle sleep deprivation.
Hint for Mom:  Learn to love Trolls.
Hint for Mom:  Learn to make daisy chains.
Hint for Mom:  Learn to say "Watch out!" with feeling.
Hint for Mom:  Learn to throw a baseball.
Hint for Mom:  Let grandma spoil them.
Hint for Mom:  Let someone else break the news about Santa Claus.
Hint for Mom:  Let them eat animal crackers.
Hint for Mom:  Let them eat cake.
Hint for Mom:  Let them eat Oreos inside-out.
Hint for Mom:  Let them get their ears pierced.
Hint for Mom:  Let them have an aquarium.
Hint for Mom:  Let them keep the kitten.
Hint for Mom:  Let them lick the spoon.
Hint for Mom:  Let them make a fort out of boxes.
Hint for Mom:  Let them make their own sundaes.
Hint for Mom:  Let them play cowboy.
Hint for Mom:  Let them play dress up.
Hint for Mom:  Let them stay up just a little bit longer.
Hint for Mom:  Let them take off the training wheels.
Hint for Mom:  Let them visit where you work.
Hint for Mom:  Let your daughter have a training bra.
Hint for Mom:  Let your daughter think she's a better mother than you.
Hint for Mom:  Let your daughter wear your high heels.
Hint for Mom:  Let's hear it for leftovers.
Hint for Mom:  Let's hear it for stereo headphones.
Hint for Mom:  Lock up the good china.
Hint for Mom:  Look encouraging at the dentist.
Hint for Mom:  Look humble when they say "How'd you do it, Mom?"
Hint for Mom:  Look sad when the snowman melts.
Hint for Mom:  Look what being a martyr got Joan of Arc.
Hint for Mom:  Make goofy faces.
Hint for Mom:  Make ice cube popsicles.
Hint for Mom:  Make lemonade from real lemons.
Hint for Mom:  Make real cocoa.
Hint for Mom:  Make their Halloween costumes.
Hint for Mom:  Many geniuses were late bloomers.
Hint for Mom:  Monster truck rallies can be educational.
Hint for Mom:  Mother's Day comes but once a year ÄÄ milk it.
Hint for Mom:  Murphy's Law is true.
Hint for Mom:  Nervous breakdowns - Nature saying "Take it easy."
Hint for Mom:  Never buy retail.
Hint for Mom:  Never tell them how much they'll inherit.
Hint for Mom:  Never use the check-out with the candy display.
Hint for Mom:  No blue hair.
Hint for Mom:  No credit cards until they graduate.
Hint for Mom:  No matter what, they'll always be your babies.
Hint for Mom:  No matter what, they'll bring home colds from school.
Hint for Mom:  No matter what, you will memorize GOOD NIGHT MOON.
Hint for Mom:  No matter what, your daughter will want Barbie.
Hint for Mom:  No matter what, your son will wind up with a toy gun.
Hint for Mom:  No, they can't have a pony.
Hint for Mom:  No, they REALLY can't have a pony.
Hint for Mom:  Not everyone can be a valedictorian.
Hint for Mom:  Not everyone can win the Pillsbury Bake-Off.
Hint for Mom:  Occasionally you WILL use the TV as a babysitter.
Hint for Mom:  Pack school lunches with good trading items.
Hint for Mom:  Pass along your wedding dress to your daughter.
Hint for Mom:  Piano lessons aren't for everyone.
Hint for Mom:  Play cards with them.
Hint for Mom:  Play Name the State Capitals.
Hint for Mom:  Play Scrabble with them.
Hint for Mom:  Point out that your granddaughter has your eyes.
Hint for Mom:  Pose good questions.
Hint for Mom:  Potty training builds character (yours).
Hint for Mom:  Pray for a chicken pox vaccine.
Hint for Mom:  Prohibited TV shows will be watched at neighbor's home.
Hint for Mom:  Prove there's no monster under the bed.
Hint for Mom:  Puberty was hell for you too.
Hint for Mom:  Put a lock on your bedroom door.
Hint for Mom:  Put plenty of icing on birthday cakes.
Hint for Mom:  Record their singing.
Hint for Mom:  Remain calm when you find daughter's birth control.
Hint for Mom:  Remain calm when you find your son's "Playboy".
Hint for Mom:  Remember how your mother felt about Mick Jagger.
Hint for Mom:  Remember that you used Cliff Notes too.
Hint for Mom:  Remember the names of their stuffed animals.
Hint for Mom:  Remember what happened to Joan Crawford.
Hint for Mom:  Remember when YOU misbehaved.
Hint for Mom:  Remember:  It's just a phase.
Hint for Mom:  Remind the Tooth Fairy about inflation.
Hint for Mom:  Remind them when it's your silver anniversary.
Hint for Mom:  Reminisce.
Hint for Mom:  Reserve the New Year's Eve babysitter on January 2.
Hint for Mom:  Resist the impulse to clean their dorm rooms.
Hint for Mom:  Run a credit line at the toy store.
Hint for Mom:  Sail paper airplanes.
Hint for Mom:  Say the clay ashtray is what you always wanted.
Hint for Mom:  Scotchguard everything.
Hint for Mom:  Send a care package to college.
Hint for Mom:  Send an apple for the teacher.
Hint for Mom:  Sew name tags in their underwear.
Hint for Mom:  She's all grown up when she stretches your sweater.
Hint for Mom:  Shiny thing in driveway is your kid's new retainer.
Hint for Mom:  Show them photos of yourself as a child.
Hint for Mom:  Sibling rivalry builds character (theirs).
Hint for Mom:  Sing silly songs.
Hint for Mom:  Smile when they squash your Chevy.
Hint for Mom:  Smile when you change that diaper.
Hint for Mom:  Smile when your mother-in-law gives you advice.
Hint for Mom:  Snowsuits induce the desire to go to the bathroom.
Hint for Mom:  Socks and underwear are not gifts.
Hint for Mom:  Some of the great minds of our time were bed wetters.
Hint for Mom:  Someday your son will love another woman.
Hint for Mom:  Sometimes you'll have to tell little white lies.
Hint for Mom:  Stretch marks are a badge of honor.
Hint for Mom:  Sympathize.
Hint for Mom:  Take snapshots on the first day of school.
Hint for Mom:  Take them to a petting zoo.
Hint for Mom:  Take them to the circus.
Hint for Mom:  Teach the kids to recycle.
Hint for Mom:  Teach them four precious words: "We can't afford it."
Hint for Mom:  Teach them to love libraries.
Hint for Mom:  Teach them to read maps.
Hint for Mom:  Teach them to swim early.
Hint for Mom:  Teach them to whistle.
Hint for Mom:  Teach them to write thank you notes.
Hint for Mom:  Teachers ARE underpaid.
Hint for Mom:  Teenage daughters are hazardous to your health.
Hint for Mom:  Teenage sons are hazardous to their own health.
Hint for Mom:  Teenagers are SUPPOSED to dress goofy.
Hint for Mom:  Tell Dad to share the toy trains.
Hint for Mom:  Tell ghost stories.
Hint for Mom:  Tell know-it-alls:  Mind your own business.
Hint for Mom:  Tell your daughter she CAN be a fire fighter.
Hint for Mom:  The more solemn the moment, the louder they cry.
Hint for Mom:  The more they tease you, the more you're loved.
Hint for Mom:  The new math is harder than the old math.
Hint for Mom:  The older they get, the wiser you'll seem.
Hint for Mom:  Their first summer at camp is murder.
Hint for Mom:  There's a little Martha Stewart in all of us.
Hint for Mom:  There's a lot of wisdom in MAD magazine.
Hint for Mom:  There's no escaping car pools.
Hint for Mom:  They already know more about computers than you do.
Hint for Mom:  They DO look cutest when they're sleeping.
Hint for Mom:  They don't call it women's intuition for nothing.
Hint for Mom:  They'll always bring home their laundry.
Hint for Mom:  They'll eat paper and dirt and survive.
Hint for Mom:  They'll outgrow their shoes before the laces get dirty.
Hint for Mom:  They're never too big to hug.
Hint for Mom:  They're never too old to scold.
Hint for Mom:  They're never too rich to take home your leftovers.
Hint for Mom:  They're never too smart to receive some good advice.
Hint for Mom:  Think quick.
Hint for Mom:  Thirteen is too late to put them up for adoption.
Hint for Mom:  Threaten to haunt them from beyond the grave.
Hint for Mom:  Tickle.
Hint for Mom:  Tie their mittens together.
Hint for Mom:  Tollhouse cookies ARE worth the work.
Hint for Mom:  Traditions are important.
Hint for Mom:  Transfer old home movies to video.
Hint for Mom:  Trust your instincts.
Hint for Mom:  Try to get some breakfast in them.
Hint for Mom:  Tuck them in.
Hint for Mom:  Ultimatums don't work.
Hint for Mom:  Use the honor system.
Hint for Mom:  Volunteer for class trips.
Hint for Mom:  Washable markers aren't.
Hint for Mom:  Watch all the Peanuts TV specials.
Hint for Mom:  Watch what you promise.
Hint for Mom:  Whatever your age, you're too young to be a grandma.
Hint for Mom:  When daughter's in labor don't say "Now you know.".
Hint for Mom:  When in doubt, say "We'll see."
Hint for Mom:  When technology is ready, clone yourself.
Hint for Mom:  When they fall asleep in the stroller, don't move them.
Hint for Mom:  When they have kids, they'll REALLY appreciate you.
Hint for Mom:  When they leave home, you'll actually miss them.
Hint for Mom:  When they say they've got to go, stop!
Hint for Mom:  When you retire, feel free to spend their inheritance.
Hint for Mom:  With luck, they won't call collect.
Hint for Mom:  With luck, they'll call you once a week when they leave.
Hint for Mom:  With luck, they'll pay for their own therapy when grown.
Hint for Mom:  Worry, worry, worry.
Hint for Mom:  Yes, it's important they wear what their friends wear.
Hint for Mom:  Yes, they need all sixty-four Crayolas.
Hint for Mom:  Yes, they'll need braces.
Hint for Mom:  Yes, they'll need stitches.
Hint for Mom:  Yes, we're all tired of dinosaurs.
Hint for Mom:  You and Dad need a "Date Night".
Hint for Mom:  You can blame just about anything on teething.
Hint for Mom:  You can never have too many Kleenex.
Hint for Mom:  You can only shoot so much videotape.
Hint for Mom:  You can't praise a kid too much.
Hint for Mom:  You did SO do that at their ages.
Hint for Mom:  You know more about chaos theory than most physicists.
Hint for Mom:  You know your son's grown up when he blushes.
Hint for Mom:  You'll never stop wondering if you did a good job.
Hint for Mom:  You'll sometimes act just like YOUR mother.
Hint for Mom:  Your daughter's house will never be as clean as yours.
Hint for Mom:  Your daughter's husband will not earn enough.
Hint for Mom:  Your son's wife will not be pretty enough.
Hint for Mom:  Your teenage daughter WILL find you embarrassing.
Hug children after you discipline them.
I got rid of the kids - the cat was allergic!
I owe my first born child to Visa.
I wrote several children's books -- not on purpose.
I'm doing this for your own good. - Any parent or executioner
If only children came with pull-down menus and online help!
If teenagers dress to express indivuality, why do they look alike?
If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum.
In American there are 2 classes of travel - 1st class and with children.
Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children.
It is better to build a child than to repair an adult.
It is easier to rule a kingdom than a child.
It's good to be children sometimes and never better than at Christmas.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Keep your children short on pocket money... but long on hugs.
Kids are like farts...you can only stand your own.
Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging!
Kids:  Nature's version of the pleasure tax!
Live long enough to be a burden to your kids.
Love your kids so they can love!
Melted M&M's on keyboard: Delete children? (Y/N)
Mometer:  Back of Mom's hand that determines if a child has a fever.
Neutrality pays when your wife and mother-in-law argue.
Never attempt an auto trip if your kids outnumber the car windows.
Never have children, but always have grandchildren.
No one is thirstier than the child reluctantly gone to bed.
One child is not enough, but two are far too many.
Oxymoron: Childproof.
Parent:  "How many times must I tell you?!"   Kid:  "Six."
Raising kids is like trying to herd cats.
Simply having children does not make mothers.
Spare time: What childless people have.
Teenager:  a connoisseur of two kinds of fine music Ä Loud & Very Loud.
Teenager:  a young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother.
Tell a child he got 1 right, not 99 wrong.
Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath.
The best thing to spend on children is your time.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part...
The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.
To a dog (or a child) "NO" means "Not while I'm looking.
Toddler's Creed:  If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
Toddler's Creed:  If I give it to you & change my mind later, it's mine.
Toddler's Creed:  If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
Toddler's Creed:  If I want it, it's mine.
Toddler's Creed:  If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
Training a child is more or less a matter of pot luck.
Visitation is for prisoners.  Children need PARENTS.
Want your children to listen? Try talking softly -- to someone else.
WEAKER SEX:  The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
When childhood dies, its corpse is called an adult.
Yes, I'm a strict parent, but maybe my kid will hire yours someday.
You can't scare me..... I have *children*!!!!!
Your kid's best years: Old enough to shovel snow, too young to drive.